Saturday, 6 October 2018

How Men and Women cope with stress Based on Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus by John Gray

When Martian Goes to the Cave and Venusian talks a lot

“Imagine that men are from Mars and women are from Venus. One day long ago the Martians, looking through their telescopes, discovered the Venusians. Just glimpsing the Venusians awakened feelings they had never known. They fell in love and quickly invented space travel and flew to Venus. ---For years they lived together in love and harmony. Then they decided to fly to Earth. In the beginning everything was wonderful and beautiful. But the effects of Earth's atmosphere took hold, and one morning everyone woke up with a peculiar kind of amnesia-, selective amnesia! Both the Martians and Venusians forgot that they were from different planets and were supposed to be different. In one morning everything they had learned about their differences was erased from their memory. And since that day men and women have been in conflict.” (John Gray from Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus)

Men and women are different species that God has created. In relationship, constantly men and women become angry and frustrate because they cannot understand each other. They often expect if they partner could be more like them. But that’s really difficult because they are different. Based on Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus book, the author—John Gray explains about the great detail differences between men and women. One of the great differences that Gray explained is how men and women cope with stress.

“He feels better by solving problems while she feels better by talking about problems.” (John Gray)

If you’re a woman, you maybe talk to your best friend or your partner if you have a problem. You maybe search for someone who can listen to your lament. You just want to talk your problem to someone. If women have a problem, they may be overwhelmed and feel really emotional. In the other hand, if you’re a man, you maybe do something to solve your problem. You will do your hobby or maybe you will use your logic to solve your problem. You just don’t want to pay attention to your problem and just want to forget it. Both gender have their own way to solve their problem.

At the chapter 3 of the book, Gray explains Martian (man) will usually go to his own cave to relief his stress. He will try to solve his problem in their cave. Gray mentions, a man will become increasingly distant, forgetful, unresponsive, and preoccupied in his relationships at that time. However, if he cannot solve his problem and find the solution, man will do something that can makes him to forget his problem. The martians will go out from their cave if they already feel better.

Meanwhile, Gray explains Venusian (woman) will find relief through talking to someone. Woman just needs someone who can understand and hear to her problem. She rather seeks relief by talking about their problem than find the solution. Talking is Venusians natural reaction to stress. They will do an unstoppable talking until they feel better.

The Martians and the Venusians have their own way to relief of stress. But occasionally, they cannot understand each other way. When man rather chooses to hide at his cave, woman will think man should be spoken up and open up about his problem. Woman feels hurt when her man all of sudden missing and doesn’t care about her. This is can be lit up the conflict in relationship. Just like Gray mentioned before, a man will become increasingly distant, forgetful, unresponsive, and preoccupied in his relationships. The best way to avoid from the conflict is woman should understand if his man need a space to relief his stress. Because that’s the only way he can solve his problem and feel better.

Nevertheless, men will think women should calm down and don’t need to talk too much. Man can be impatient when hearing woman talking about her problem because usually she will talk about an unnecessary problem. Men will usually give their solution because their use logic than feeling. But, in this case, men just need to be a good-listener. Women just want to be understood because they don’t need a solution. For men, just listen to your women’s lament until they feel better because that’s the only way to avoid the conflict.

The most important thing to avoid conflict between men and women are they just need to understand their difference. We cannot force our partner to be same like us. If we can be respectful and understand to our partner difference, we can get a health and better relationship. God has already created us—man and woman to become different so we can complete each other.

“We are unique individuals with unique experiences.” (John Gray from Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus)

Reference :
Man are from Mars, Women are from Venus by John Gray

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